New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
