I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize