i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
