dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
