By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
