He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
