I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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