I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
