nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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