you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
