things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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