...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
