My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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