the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
