it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize