Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
