My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
