i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
