how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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