i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
