At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
