Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
