# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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