I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
