Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
