Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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