It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
