First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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