Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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