I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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