marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
