coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
