You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
