Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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