Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Someone signed my nipple.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
