so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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