Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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