They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
