somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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