I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
