where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
