You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize