i barfeds in our rink
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
