I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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