we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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