Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
