we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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