your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
