I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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