sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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