At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
