She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
