Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
