you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
