Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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