She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
