and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
