Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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