u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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