hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
