i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
