Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
