you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
