I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
