Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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