What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My cat gives me a boner
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
