I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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