just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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