Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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