don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
