Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
