I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
