that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
