so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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