some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
