Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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