Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
