So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
