I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
