new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
