What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just high enough for therapy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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