just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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