im drinking this country out of the recession.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
