My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
