New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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